Friday, April 23, 2010


In the past few days, a little, no, make that a big controversy has sprung up in my family. To preface this, my brother and sister-in-law allow my niece (who is 3) to pick out what she wants to wear for the day. Before a few days ago, she loved to wear everything she owns - jeans, dresses, superhero t-shirts, butterfly t-shirts, Spiderman tennis shoes, and pink flip-flops. Unfortunately her friends at preschool have pressured her into not wearing her "boy" clothes anymore. My sister-in-law is upset with the parents who have taught their children that clothes are gender specific and that those children have forced that view on my niece.

Okay, so my sister-in-law made a comment on Facebook about it and a lot of her friends had a plenty of thoughts to add to the conversation, all of them extremely helpful. Then my stepfather decided to throw his two cents in, saying that, and I quote, "or maybe it's just your attempt to manipulate her to be gay isn't working. Maybe she WANTS to be a girl. Just sayin." And this is where my brother and sister-in-law decided to give him what-for. My brother also had a good conversation with our mom, who, if this had been four years ago, would have agreed with my stepfather. Anyway, my little sister (who is a lesbian and dresses androgynously) left a comment about how being a tomboy as a child did not make her gay, being gay led her to express herself as a tomboy.

All of this leads up to my stepfather, in a pique of childish fit, unfriended my brother, sister, and sister-in-law. This is honestly the online equivalent to him throwing a temper-tantrum.

What hurts the most about this is how much he has disappointed my family. It's sad, but we should have expected this behavior from him. This is the man who emotionally and mentally abused my siblings and I, who delights in cutting people down while making himself look good. There are times when my sister and I are complaining about things he's done and my stepmom (a dear, dear woman) has to stop us to ask us what's good about him. Over time he's started to act better around us, treating us as if we had feelings and listening to what we have to say. But it seems that every time we start to trust him again, he does something that loses any respect we had for him. This time he screwed up royally. The total lack of respect he showed my sister-in-law, the backhanded comment aimed at my sister and my mom, and the sarcasm in his pathetic excuse of an apology - PassiveAgressiva, meet your emperor. I thought he was better than that.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry that everyone is in such pain about this. I didn't see the comment, but I'm hurting, too, as is David, of course.

    ...Just read your other posts. (I've had a busy week and am just now catching up.) Wow. You make me want to learn how to crochet. You made a jacket? Bring it next time you come over, OK? I want to see it!